Barter Babes is growing. Barter Babes is growing so fast and so furiously that while I’m filled with pride I’m also filled with dread. It seems foolish, doesn’t it? To be worried that your blood, sweat and tears is paying off?
It’s funny. I work endlessly towards growth for Barter Babes. Pushing, pushing and pushing until finally the word is out there. Now, the floodgates have opened and my little project-that-could has flourished into the big-project-that-MUST! Eeek! So terrifyingly exciting.
More media = more followers.
While I’m grateful for media attention, it’s no longer simply friends and family following along, rooting for me unconditionally. I’ve got followers who don’t know me, who expect results, humour, thoughtful posts and success. This is EXACTLY what I wanted, but it scares me to death.
Now, typos are a source of anxiety. I wake up in the night to check my latest tweet – “did I spell that wrong?” And god forbid a politically incorrect sentence or a boring post.
I’ve become paranoid. Aware that the followers are growing and that people don’t necessarily follow me because they like me. Some, I’m sure, follow me because they don’t!
I’ve been called out on Twitter, on the CityTV news story, and on my personal blog. Nothing too serious or offensive, but far from a “like” from mom on pretty much any status update I make.
The call outs shocked me at first. My face would burn hot with embarrassment. Like I’m 11 years old again, being made fun of in home room because I didn’t have the latest teddy-bear backpack (remember those? Ohh yeah)
Each time, it totally hurt my feelings and I obsessed about it for days. Should I write back? Should I respond? Should I get someone to make an anonymous comment and defend my honour? The answer is always a resounding no. Actually, the BF says no as he pries the laptop away from me, telling me to relax. He’s right.
Truth is, I just need to develop a tougher skin. A stiff upper lip. Being called out on the internet is something that happens to ANYONE who puts themselves out there for ridicule. It’s all part and parcel – the whole media gig. I don’t think less of my favourite band if they get a crappy comment on their site, or love a book any less because someone gave it a 1 out of 5.
The only thing that really worries me is that I’m very conscious of just who is listening. Will they like what I have to say this time? What if that person calls me out again? What if they make fun of me on twitter and I’m not there to delete it right away? What if? What if? What if??! ahhhhhhhh
I’ve actually been nervous about writing blog posts because I don’t want offend someone. I’m afraid to check my comments because I’m a little worried it’s going to be something less-than-supportive. Do I try to be more politically correct from now on? More business-like and serious, rather than saying things like “FML” and “WTF” in a blog post? The stakes are higher now and I care too much if everyone likes me.
This will keep happening. I know that. The more publicity the project gains, the more opportunity for someone to dislike what I have to say. That’s life!
I think we are all afraid of what other people think on some level – whether it’s strangers on twitter or best friends at a backyard BBQ party. It sucks to be judged.
So, under even more scrutiny, it’s hard not to become extremely self-conscious. But, I will endeavor to keep this blog true to what’s happening in my life. I want to keep this blog personal and not necessarily professional.
This blog is about my adventure and all the ups and downs that go along with quitting your job to take a leap of faith. Of course I will be elated. Of course I will be frustrated. Of course some people will think I’m ridiculous and that’s fair!
I keeps it real.
It’s nice to know people are listening – either way.
Until Next Time..