I feel like Gerard Butler in 300.
An insurmountable quest, no sleep, constantly pushing back the Persians… only instead of Persians, it’s sleep I’m pushing back. Instead of trying to save Sparta, I’m trying to save my sanity.
He had 300 men. I have to barter with 300 women. To be honest, I don’t know what his beef was about … 300 is A LOT!
I have to wonder, if he only had 200 would the outcome still be as glorious? This is a thought that is cropping up in my head from time to time lately and I stop and think – why 300?
300 seems to be the magical number for glory I guess. I mean hell, I chose that number as well. But why?
Why did I choose 300 as the goal for the project? The answer is easy – I have no idea. I chose it randomly because I had bartered with 6 Test Barter Babes one week and figured I could do that 52 more times starting in November.
Yet again, another planning oversight on my over-excited behalf.
My over-excited self has led to a full year of $35/week and at least 6 Barter Babes a week to succeed. This is borderline insane. In retrospect, I should have planned better.
I’m not complaining… ok, yes I am, but for the record: I LOVE that I’m so busy with Babes!! It means I’m truly offering something women want and it’s so rewarding to help in such a meaningful way.
What I am complaining about, is my utter lack of realistic planning a year ago. (I’d do anything for a Delorean)
I was just so damned excited to quit my job and get this project off the ground that I spent more time planning the logo, the Money Map and Barter Babe Buttons (which are super sweet and no regrets there) rather than realistically mapping out the likelihood and time commitment of the arbitrary rules I set up for myself.
My parents tell me that as young as 4 years old, I was the kid who jumped into the lake in the spring before even feeling the water. Run and jump. No time to think about it and more importantly, no time to talk myself out of it.
My sister, on the other hand, would feel the water, get in gradually and always be prepared with a sweater for after. When the water was warm, I thought she was a sucker. I was ballsy, brave and having fun WAY before she was. But other times, when the water was icy, I ended up cold, crying and jealous of her caution.
When I get locked onto something, I don’t like to think about the possible negative outcomes of my sometimes drastic actions. I guess I have a real value on being ballsy. I’m learning, the hard way, that I equate caution with pessimism and therefore I overlook possible negative results. This isn’t good.
I wanted to launch Barter Babes so bad I could taste it. Although I planned well for the program and the marketing and all the positive things, I ignored the scared parts of my brain that told me to wait. To hold off. To think it through just a little longer. “Save more money” and “plan your time better so you don’t burn out and fail.”
200 would probably have been a more realistic number. I know that now.
But, I ran. I jumped. Now I’m flailing in the water towards the dock. It’s F*ing cold and the worst part is, I’m afraid I also forgot a towel.
300. If Gerard can do it, I can do it…. now where’s my sword….