I’m pulling up to the Royal York Hotel in a 1964 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud. It’s December, lightly snowing and my beautiful Vera Wang bridal gown is being held out of the snow by my bridesmaids wearing gorgeous deep crimson gowns. Everyone looks smashing. I’m about to get married. Ohh.. is that a string quartet in the background? And swans? Sigh.
INSERT ALARM CLOCK: BEEP BEEP BEEP. Oh shit, I was just dreaming.
Yep! That used to be the dream and I’ve been dreaming a lot about weddings lately.
I’ve got weddings on the mind. Many Barter Babes got married this past summer and my sister is getting married in a WEEK!!! Every time I turn on the TV it’s ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ or ‘Rich Bride Poor Bride’. Everywhere I turn, weddings, weddings and more weddings. It’s exciting. Naturally, all this wedding fever got me thinking about my own one-day wedding.
A few weeks ago, I sat down and calculated what my dream Royal York wedding would cost (sans swans)…..just for “fun.” $90,000.
NINTY-THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!!!! There is nothing fun about that.
REALITY CHECK – Not happening.
Perhaps if I held in there on Bay street and scaled the corporate ladder, that Rolls Royce rental could have been all mine. But alas, I don’t think Vera Wang will barter a wedding dress with me.
I stopped earning money in the short run so I couldn’t afford a wedding right now at all! Let alone a $90,000 one!!
A wedding is something deeply ingrained in my psyche – something I didn’t even realize until the threat of no-wedding unsettled me. I was the little girl who used to dress up as a bride for Halloween. I’m usually the annoying friend who asks people where or what time of year they’d like to get married, what colour are the bridesmaid dresses? I think about my own dream wedding and I’m not even engaged! Lol – I am a wedding SUCKER.
Realizing that this dream of mine is not realistic made me sad at first, however, after spending a summer talking about budgets for weddings and paying off wedding debt, I started to change my perspective. Additionally, the woman in the dream Rolls Royce doesn’t really feel like me anymore. To be honest, I don’t even think I would want that elaborate wedding – even if I had the funds.
This is the journey I’m on. These days, it’s about ‘What I Want” vs “What I Need.” Just because some of my elaborate fairytale fantasies (and there are many) may not work out the way that I had planned since I was 16, it doesn’t make the reality less special.
Just because my wedding may not be at the Royal York, doesn’t mean it has to be city hall and a backyard pigroast with plastic forks.
It’s not that I’ve given up, or that I’m settling for less, it’s that my dreams are evolving and so am I. The goals I used to signify as success have changed drastically this year.
My goals aren’t necessarily home ownership in Rosedale by age 30, a cottage (owned by me) on my lake beside the parents. A closet of designer clothes, a sweet car. These aren’t what I need to be satisfied! They would be awesome, but I don’t need them.
I’m redefining what makes me, me and what it is for me to feel successful. Most of all, I’m defining what’s important to me.
Every day, I’m trying to figure out what I want vs. what I need.
Oh, I need a wedding….. but perhaps I don’t need Vera Wang J.
Until Next Time….
Barter On, Babes